The biggest shift for me from cancer would be my self-love, and the letting go of self-judgement. It bought me truly into my body so I was more present and clear on who I really am. And from this, I really allowed me to be my authentic self. As a result, this threw me straight into remission, with my oncologists amazed and grateful. To quote them: “What ever you are doing, keep doing it because it’s working! There’s no cancer in this body!”
My sense of humour increased when I discovered cancer. As I have told many people, one of the first things I did when I was diagnosed with anal cancer was to start making a list of bum jokes. You would be so surprised how many jokes and metaphors there are about bums! It is so mightily important to laugh. It feels great for you and everyone around you, and along with love, it is about the most healing thing you can do for yourself.
There is a particular time in my cancer treatment that I draw on when I think of the moment when the BIG shift occurred for me in healing. They call this a spiritual awakening. A paradigm shift that changed my life forever. All I felt was love and compassion with absolutely no judgement attached. Complete love for myself and for everyone around me. This is such an essential piece of the picture, to stop judging self and replace it with humour, love and compassion, and this comes first from loving oneself.
Internally I am a different person to what I was before I had cancer. Living an authentic life is what I needed to do to come to where I am today. From this journey I was able to see clearly how interlinked I was with all; my family, my friends, my friends friends and outward to the universe. We are all so interlinked. And once I felt this so clearly, it took the ego, the doubting, the negative chatter out of the picture, allowing only my authentic self to be present. Nothing is impossible, let the real you out and only healing can come in.
On that day in treatment when I was slipping away, and my body was beginning to shut down from the horrendous onslaught from the treatment, I came back for love. There was more for me to do, it wasn’t out of attachment. It was intensely liberating and it made me fearless about dying and illness. Self-love is so full inside of me that it is overflowing. So therefore it is no longer exhausting for me to do so much for others, because my real needs are met. Whereas before, I would give to others first and then feel tired and run down. Now there is so much to give and the giving replenishes and energises me instead.
Cancer saved my life, it was trying to give me a message. It was telling me to fully come to life. And so I did. It bought brighter colours, more vibrant than anything I have experienced before. It bought me into a different dimension, with this overwhelming euphoria, appreciation for life and intense clarity.
Prior to cancer I was super careful and well read about nutrition and toxins, but I still got cancer. These elements are important to know about, but its how you carry yourself in your life that makes all the difference. In the past, I would over-think these things. But what is the point in that if it doesn’t feel amazing. Now when I eat, it needs to feel pleasurable, that is a requirement. Feeling pleasure and enjoying what I do in all that I touch is essential. And the gratitude that comes with this is almost more important than the actual food. I still eat very well, but I love it more.
Following your heart is what we are here for. Not getting frustrated about details, big or small. We are not here on earth to be feeling resentment and anger or to be unhappy with ourselves and others. We are here to love. Go after what you are here to do, you will get it. Live life from your heart, and do what makes you happy, listen to fun stories, watch funny movies, laugh and love everyone around you. Is it a journey or a battle? For me it is a journey.